Is it truly raining or are my tears blurring everything I see around me?
Well, it is truly raining, but let me be a little bit dramatic at the very beginning.
I’m sitting on the balcony, watching the rain and just made the decision that I’m going to share with you guys that I have been through such a confusing / hard / odd / interesting / funny period. I think it is called life, but now I feel I’m experiencing life at the speed of 15 WTF’s per hour.
It’s been almost 6 months so far of living an itty bitty life in an itty bitty town called Barcaldine and experiencing the real Australian outback.
So many things happened in this period and I was lucky enough to experience the most… well, I can’t even find the words for it, but I have experienced just about everything and every emotion.
I experienced good things
Having amazing people around, finding true friends (and not just one!), improving my problem solving skills, becoming tougher thanks to the confusing experiences, being a part of an Aussie family, having the best Eastern dinner ever, having a crush on someone, having an amazing birthday, excitement, so much fun (and endless amount of wine… obviously) and the realization that I’m ready;
Then the most random things
Sleeping with a baby camel, cuddling a parrot, kangaroo shooting, the excitement and happiness that a simple, not even fancy pool can give you;
And finally the confusing things
Needless drama, sexual harassment, being completely lonely, death, having a crazy stalker who follows me on the street, the shock after a positive pregnancy test (I’m not pregnant), being in the hospital (not even only once), fake friends, being confused, scared and disappointed.
And much more.
So I’m writing.
But instead of having another insanely long real talk post about what happened I decided that I will take you through the whole experience and open a session called
The Barcaldine Diary
But why did it take such a long time to write about it now?
Because it took weeks and weeks before I was ready, in fact, it’s been almost 6 months.
It is simple.
Although I’ve already been through a couple of rough periods this one is completely different.
My family is not here with me.
If it is this hard indeed, why do you want to shout it out and share it, you might ask now.
Well, we all have struggles and issues.
You know, sh*t happens and sometimes you can’t do a thing about it because you feel paralyzed. So you just pull up a chair. Sit down. And watch the shitshow unfolding.
It could cause horrible times for you and when you’re suffering it is very real. And sometimes you feel you’ve been fighting for so long that you don’t have more power to keep fighting.
So you’re just staying, hoping the best or even not feeling anything – just existing.
But there is always a little bit of light, a tiny-tiny presence of pure happiness that you can find even in the darkest time that can give you a little bit of power.
It is ok to be down.
It is ok to be sad. You are not a pumpkin so you don’t have to smile all the time and you don’t have to always be happy!
But don’t fall.
And it is a decision. You might do it alone, you might not but there is always a way.
So I’m writing about it because I need to. It is a part of my healing process.
It is still raining.
I love when it is raining. I love how it smells. I love watching it. I love feeling it on my skin.
And I love it because it always foreshadows something new and fresh coming.
So I’m writing.
Ps: I’m happy, I promise!
…even if I look like this sometimes…