The bad news is – that comes from all the guides and Kathy, the lovely owner of the guesthouse I was staying – that you shouldn’t hike the Bobotov Kuk alone, because it is too dangerous to take it by yourself.
So I shouldn’t either.
Here is a little off topic, but very a useful tip if you are by yourself: it’s fun using a selfie-stick and a tripod, and you can take amazing photos of you and the view easily. But before you are off somewhere, make sure that you packed every piece of it, otherwise, the result will be something like this.
But people spoke about another mountain, called Savin Kuk.
It is easier and safer.
Although I was sad a bit because I had to miss Bobotov Kuk which I really wanted to hike alone, but I really didn’t want to increase the death rate and considering the fact that I was out of practice (I’m not sure that I have ever been in by the way), smoked and drank too much and had unhealthy eating habits, I headed in the direction of Savin Kuk.
But I got lost.
Surprised? I’m sure you’re not, it was just around the corner.
After an hour wandering, I finally found a hiking trail, so following my guts, I continued my way on it.
The path became more and more difficult as I was getting higher, approaching the peak.
That was the point when I thanked everyone who forewarned me about Bobotov Kuk and suggested Savin Kuk as an alternative option.
It was a bit of enough trial for my body to hike this easy one.
Well, I was truly out of practice.
Soon before I reached the peak, I had met some hikers who came from the opposite direction, walking down.
As a friendly and normal person, who I really can be sometimes I said “Hello” and their first question was that
– Are you alone?
– I am.
– And do you want to go to the top of the mountain?
– I do. It’s not too far from here as I can see. Maybe 20-30 minutes more.
– It will be about 2 hours because the path is very dangerous, slippery and wet and there is nothing you can hold on to, and the way down at the other side is even worse. We hiked the Bobotov Kuk yesterday, and that is higher a bit though, but this one is more difficult.
Here I started to suspect that I wasn’t on Savin Kuk hiking trail, and as it turned out later, it wasn’t that indeed.
This one is called Meded and it can be reached by following one of the most difficult hiking trails in Zabljak.
I really felt on the way up that I was going to die.
Then I knew the reason why.
But hey, if this is the most difficult one, I am not a couch potato!
Fine, so if I got until this point without any problem (apart from the nearly death feeling), I thought I continue and if I didn’t feel safe, I would go down and that’s it.
On the way up I met with a mountain goat that grumbled gracefully and easily from rock to rock – so stuck-up!
My lungs were crying for a little sip of air, my knees hurt and my foot was burning, but finally, I got to the peak!
And that view was totally worth every killer moment.
Flopped down to a comfy rock and tried to soak up all the beauty around me.
As my eyes were sweeping around the surrounding place, I noticed a girl sitting alone near me.
Queerly, she was so familiar.
I felt I have known her.
Her black and orange coloured tresses rolled into a loose bun and her lovely, colourful outfit was a freshly bright spot amongst the grey hills – especially comparing to my mainly black outfit.
She looked at me, smiled and with an easy wave of her hands, invited me to sit next to her.
– I missed you – she said.
– I missed you too – I answered because, by the time I got closer, I realized who she was.
I really wanted to tell a lot of things to her. So many things that she hadn’t even known and I really wanted to let her know or at least say sorry but a big lump in my throat stopped me from saying anything.
So I was just sitting next to her for a while until she broke the silence by saying only one word.
I knew exactly what she meant, but I couldn’t answer.
I really wanted to say something.
Anything that made sense even a bit, but I didn’t have a single clever or meaningful answer.
I didn’t want to make it happen. – I said dumbly. – I have never ever wanted to leave you in any case and I missed you so much during the time you weren’t with me. I think I was sure that you would be there for me anytime, even if I didn’t meet you for a long time. But it was 10 years ago when I last saw you and after I lost you, I tried to do it alone, but this way, I pretended that I was somebody who I really was not.
The thing is, that when I was somewhere at the edge of coming-of-age I forgot to be me, rather I focused on a person who I wanted to be, and by walking through this way, I forgot to enjoy being in the moment and what is even worse I took myself too seriously.
I wanted everything before it could happen, and when the moment came and it finally happened, I forgot to enjoy it because I immediately jumped onto the next step.
I worked all along my uni ages – actually, even before that time – and I didn’t want to be a girl from university who took pub tours and did silly things but instead I worked extremely hard on becoming a businesswoman.
It was too early.
I could have been that girl.
I should have been that girl.
And it just continued and it came with the eternal feeling of dissatisfaction.
My parents and my loved ones tried to stop me, but I was as obstinate as a mule. I don’t know the reason why I was that person.
The only thing I know that now I really want to be me without being ashamed of myself, happy where I am with the things I own.
I didn’t appreciate the things I have, especially the people who love me – and somehow they still do. During this time, I lost many-many people, including some who I’ve never got back.
I couldn’t get them back.
I miss my father so much. I always will. And I really-truly-honestly hope with all of my body and soul that he knows I love him and miss every single day since he’s gone.
– You should go down before it gets dark. – the girl said.
– You can come with me and we can go down on the other side of the mountain. It is harder to get down though, but quicker and we are stronger together and can help each other.
– I can’t go with you. You are still alone. There are some things that you can’t turn back. And now, it is too late.
And by saying these sentences, the young, lovely me with that crazy hair that I loved to wear at the time so much just vanished, leaving me alone with my thoughts, the task to hike down and the realization that I missed to do some things that I should have done, let it be enjoying a joyful moment or living the grief through and letting it unfold until it has become easier by itself and with time.
It took almost 27 years for me to realize that there are passing things in life, for example, a man’s life, and we shouldn’t be sure that they will always be there for us and there are many things that are unrepeatable.
With my almost 27 years I know almost nothing about things and went through only a few things, but I think now I’m experienced enough to know the things with real importance in life.
At least I’m willing to learn what really matters.
Clishé or not – yes, it is – just grab that moment and live through without being ashamed of your wishes, needs and who you are. Do it like it was the last chance because sometimes it really is.