Overplanning, thinking about everything ahead, struggling with fictitious or real things, fearing of something, sticking to someone or something and so on.
All of them are so much fun, right?
If you have already read my last few posts, you surely know that I picked Albania as my next destination and I started a new series here, called Travel for recovering. In case of you haven’t heard of it, now you know.
So let’s continue this series with a funny topic: How to leave your anxiety behind.
Fate is an interesting thing.
A lot of people who I know strongly believe that fate will put you in a hard situation sometimes, and it does so for a reason. It wants you to learn how you could handle these things.
So if you face something that is a bit hard, you should know that you have a task and by solving it will learn something out of it.
I truly hope that all this is understandable, but just to make it absolutely clear, here is a story that happened right before I would be off to my new journey.
I picked Albania and after a quick research, I booked 3 nights in a hostel in Tirana and also my flight (surprisingly, it is the cheapest way to get there from Hungary) and just relaxed.
Oh Guys, I wish I could say that this is how it all happened, but the ugly truth is that after I booked my stuff I screwed up nearly everything, I mean everything.
I was nervous, I was in a panic and I was anxious about everything: what to pack, how I look, how my English is, money struggles, how I can manage my job, what people will think about me, and so on.
And for sure that crazy bitch also joined to the party in my head who you might remember from “Anxiety over everything” post.
What a kind company. <3
I know it is really hard to understand for most of you, why the things above were such huge issues for me, but for an unsettled person who has unbelief in herself and her own capability, all of them are issues.
But a huuuuuuge issue.
So in order to be able to overcome only a little part of my struggles, I started to deal with the only thing that I had control over and tried to plan every single detail of my getaway:
- where I would be
- and for how long,
- and what I would do there,
- where I would eat,
- when I would tie my shoes and so on,
although I didn’t know the most important part of my trip – still don’t know – when I will go back to Hungary.
Doing your research before you go to a new country is useful, but planning everything ahead is just depressing, exhausting and totally unnecessary.
I felt sick caused by the thought that I couldn’t control everything.
Even worse I didn’t know how things would work.
And I hated it during my whole life.
Then it was the time to go to the airport with a not too heavy backpack (packing queen is here, hurray – eh, not exactly) and finally, I missed my flight. I was there at the airport two hours before my departure.
But I missed it!
Thanks to my inattention and fast administration of Wizzair. I screwed it and they screwed it and as a result, I wasn’t on the plane.
However, it was interesting that n the way to the airport I didn’t feel like I was going to leave Hungary.
I went to my mom’s house feeling empty and disappointed. The presence of my family helped me a lot, even if they couldn’t do a thing, but at least I didn’t feel alone.
I felt as if Albania didn’t want to let me in because all the possible ways to enter the country would have been ridiculously expensive.
After surfing the internet for a few hours, there came the solution. I found a beautiful hiking trail in Zabljak, Montenegro, that was more than perfect. There was everything I wanted to do or see, it was affordable and easy to get there,
only one day before my planned start, I felt that something was missing. I forgot to check the weather. It was raining all week. Super perfect! So should I take the risk and hike that mountain in rain or should I pick another destination?
A little bit exhausting…
Finally, I picked another destination and chose Kotor in Montenegro and this time I didn’t allow anything – including my lovely, anxious own self – to screw it up.
Here I really would like to highlight that I’ve already organized dozens and dozens of trips under pretty much all kind of circumstances, and I really didn’t understand why it was so hard to make this one real for one person, for one way.
And finally, I arrived! Yaaaay! Millions and millions of people have already done this and now I have done it too.
After I checked into the Pupa hostel (cleanest hostel ever) I took a very long walk around the city and its old town and I had some time to think about all the things that just happened, and also all of the things that never happened but could happen and how I could deal with or solve them.
Well, I think I got an important lesson from fate or whatever it was who taught me that sometimes I can’t keep everything under my control – and I think it is not too healthy either to overplan and then stick to it -, but it is still fine.
However things may come up – any kind of fears, struggles or mania – and I will be able to handle them if I’m flexible enough and just let them happen.
Another interesting realization was that now I don’t feel idle when I do exactly nothing, just chilling or do something without any purpose.
P.S.: as it turned out later, it was a much better choice going to Kotor, because I was lucky enough to meet some amazing people.